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Autumn. Falling leaves. Boots and socks. Shuffling around campus trying to stay warm. Jean jackets. Golden.
Everything really is very beautiful lately. I mean, I'm still an emotional teenager, I still can't stand school and boys still drive me nuts, but I'm trying to stay peppy and focus on the good things.
I've been making some new friends, reconnecting with some old ones, and really trying hard to focus on my studies. Reading stuffy old textbooks can just be so boring! I always talk about the same things, don't I?
I suppose my life is fairly repetitive and dull right now. Okay, not everything in my life. One thing that isn't: I feel stronger. I not only am stronger, but I feel it, too. Today at work when someone implied that I had a boyfriend, I threw my hands up and enthusiastically cried, "I am my own woman!" I suppose that I feel quite strong when I am single. I haven't been single for this long (6 months now) since I was 16 and had my first boyfriend. That's remarkable, isn't it? When have I really had time to find myself and be independent? I like relying on myself.
Truth is, the last boy ripped my heart out, tearing it into a million little pieces and tossing them across the world. Who knows where they all are? I'm trying to piece everything back together but really, the idea of even having another boyfriend, of completely trusting another person like that, is devastating to me. I can't even imagine doing it. I've come close a few times and everytime I just think, "Ye Gods! I cannot do this!" A few times now, I've thought to myself, "This is wrong that I am turning down this opportunity. Is this really me being strong, or just me being timid? Isn't rejecting love a horrible thing?" I still don't know the answers to these questions, but I do know that I don't want to be with another person until I am fully ready to commit my time to them.
In the meantime, I fill my life with little love stories, with being friendly to strangers, with silent films and writing letters to friends throughout the world.
In celebration of the beautiful autumnal colours, I put this outfit together. I cross the Mississippi twice a day, and everytime I look out and observe the change. The other day, it was so beautiful. The trees looked like they were absolutely on fire, the leaves were such a blaze of red and orange. And when it reflected into the river, that was stunning. The river was blue as could be, several large boats were plowing through the waters, and a heavy mist had settled over the horizon. It was breathtaking.
This outfit is a bit reminiscent of this beautiful view. I wish I could have looked at that scene forever. Painted it. Taken a photo. Printed it on postcards and mailed them across the globe. I couldn't believe how wonderful the Mighty Mississippi could be.
I settled on wearing this kurta as a shirt, tucked in, and played up the gold embroidery with this belt. Since the shirt is so soft and luxe, I added some grunge with the boots and the shorts, and since jean on jean is a big trend (or so say I), the jacket was a necessity. (Hey, I just talked about fashion and it wasn't that bad, was it? Usually I want to tear my own eyeballs out whenever I talk directly about what I wear. Great, I need to stop writing this because now it really is getting boring!)
Anyways, it's late! I need to scurry off to bed, where I will settle in with a textbook and a highlighter, analysing argument until my head falls off. Or until I fall asleep (which is much more likely to occur).
Before I finish off, I'd just like to ask all my readers to keep in your prayers and in your thoughts the friends and family of those affected by the tragic shooting in the Bryn Mawr neighbourhood of Minneapolis. I was watching the news when they broke in with this report and it broke my heart. This is a monumental tragedy for this neighbourhood, town, and society. It's always horrible to hear about things like this happening to innocent people, but especially when those people had hope, had love, and aspired to make a difference. My prayers go out to all those involved, and I hope that you will keep them in yours as well.
Oh autumn, I do love dressing for you! I've been feeling rather liberated about style lately and have been wearing a lot of stuff that is (I suppose) a bit reminiscent of my style a few years ago...but perhaps more refined. I've been wearing pants again (yikes!) and I've been playing a lot with colours and patterns, which you may be able to tell a bit from the past few posts.
This outfit (from Tuesday, ye Gods!) is a good example of this new style freedom. To be boring and break it down for you: a bit funky with the Doc Martens and this garage sale '90s-era dress which is cut from really weird fabric (it's sort of like a super-thin suede), but then pulled together with my Marilyn Monroe cardigan and a red belt. The tights add some texture and the jacket, some edge. Wow guys, wasn't that exciting?!
Despite this being a "fashion" or "personal style" blog, I'm pretty sure that I make talking about either of the two super extra boring. I'm much better talking about my emotions, how much boys drive me crazy, and what a drag school is. I guess I'm just a hormonal teenager! Don't like it? Then get the fuck out.
I kid, I kid.
These tights are from Target (on sale for $7) and I am in love with them. When I picked them up, I turned to my friend and said, "Totally trashy or just trashy enough?" We both decided that I could probably pull them off in some not so trashy way and ta-da!
Looking at this outfit as I type all of this out, I'm getting some weird sort of Grease vibes. It's almost like a mixture between Sandy's "good" side and "bad" side. I mean, she could totally woop ass in these shoes and the jacket is pretty tough, but then there's a cardigan and a flippy skirt. I'm actually pretty proud of this ensemble, considering that I was uncertain of it all day that I wore it for (that happens when I throw things together in 2 minutes while rushing for the bus).
Speaking of the bus, the hipster bus driver today gave me the creepiest hipster 'stache smile. I hesitated before getting on and then just thought, "Fuck it! I'm not gonna wait for the next one!" I then went and sat down, wearing acid wash, listening to The Kooks and reading some French existentialist novel. I am so hipster. I suppose I deserved the creepy hipster 'stache smile.
I'm trying really super hard to stay focused in school and pretend like it still matters. Truth is, I'm sick of my university. This is my fourth year there now and looking back, I really mostly have bad memories from it. There are a few good ones, ones that I can count on maybe one hand, but mostly I just have really horrible memories of that campus. I'd really like to transfer but it would set me way behind. So instead I'm focusing on creating some better memories and finding new hideout places that don't make me think of past people and past occurences.
My classes are also a drag. I absolutely cannot keep awake for any of them and I'm way behind on the reading. All I do is read for them, I swear! Since reading gives me a headache, it's super problematic and I just cannot get ahead. I've spent hardly any time the past couple of weeks doing anything but homework and I'm going crazy! I just want to sew or watch a movie all the way through or read something that isn't a textbook or some nutso French novel.
On the bright side: only 10 more weeks left!
Not to constantly switch topics or anything, but this sweater! I'm crazy about it. I picked it up in London, summer 2011. I never wear it though because it's white and I really don't wear much white. It's too innocent and pure for my liking.
Aaaaand....that's a joke!
Seriously, I need to quit blogging and just go do my homework already.
I'll be back soon, hopefully with some funnier jokes and more compelling outfit commmentary. I swear, all these French existentialist novels are really dulling me down.
There's this completely weird "loss of youth" that I've been feeling lately. Youth being a sort of innocence, I suppose. I'm only 19, why am I feeling this? I feel like we live in a world that is in such demand of kids to behave a certain way and do certain things. A lot of this has to do with the root of all evil: boys.
I'm pretty sure my first boyfriend was a direct result of society telling me that if I didn't have a boyfriend or a first kiss or a first fuck by the time I was 16, then there must be something wrong with me. I don't think that, at that time, I really had any interest in any of that stuff...I just felt like if I didn't have any of it, then I wasn't pretty, I wasn't funny, I wasn't attractive. Because of this first boyfriend, I lost many of my good friends who I had true fun with. Who I stayed up late with, telling ghost stories, baking cookies, going on bike rides with, running through the streets just being wild and crazy. Instead, I became fixated on pleasing the other sex and never really getting anything in return.
Now I am past 19 and I realise that this was all very silly. I have no real interest in boys anymore. I have no interest in the same old same old. I have interest, instead, in doing my own thing. Doing what I want, being with whom I want, and not worrying about factoring in some other idiot along the way. I have much more interest in cultivating friendships with girls...With people who want more than some girl who will fawn over them and give them their body and their heart. I yearn for someone who seems to honestly care about what I'm saying and what I'm feeling.
Why should a 19 year old girl already even be at a stage in her life when she is saying this stuff? Isn't this much too young for this? Shouldn't this be stuff that I say when I'm 32 years old? It is so sad that we live in a culture like this - that demands so much from girls and that makes them feel like failures when they decide that these demands aren't reasonable.
But these days, I am young and I am free. I have cast this all off and have quit trying to meet the demands of society. Maybe it is too bad that I didn't figure this all out sooner. Maybe it is too bad that my heart and my body and my mind has had to already suffer from all this and can never really truly be innocent again. I suppose, for this, I am a teen witch. I yearn so badly to be a teenager, to be young and innocent, so I pretend to be, when really I know all these things that are past innocence and which stretch beyond the ability to be young and carefree.
For the first time in my teen years, boys are not playing a major role in everything I do and say and wear. This outfit is a great symbol of this. I am wearing what I want, not to look sexy or appealing, but to have fun and to be me.
This dress is from Fancytreehouse because I was crazy over the print and the cut. Whenever I wear it, I feel like I could be best friends with Angela Chase, sulking in oversized flannel and pouting about Jordan Catelano. I decided to layer it with this velvet top I found at a thrift store. It's so lovely and soft, hmmm black velvet, you soothe my soul.
Since I adore pattern mixing, and because I wanted something to offset the purple, I belted the dress with my fuzzy cheetah print belt from the secondhand store. I had been planning on discussing weight in this blog post, since I've been feeling extremely skinny and feeble lately, but since I started the post out with a rant, I should probably save this one for another day.
Okay, I had orinigally typed out this huge long thing and then decided to delete it and truly save it. More on this weight-y issue later, in the meantime, a smile:
I suppose I was feeling extra witchy today, since I wore my Betsey Johnson spider necklace. I love this necklace but never tend to wear it. In fact, I wear the same 3 necklaces in constant rotation. Whenever I don't wear a necklace, I'm grabbing at my neck, searching for a chain to pull on and wrap my finger around. I think wearing necklaces makes me a bit less anxious. I've been pulling at this little rhinestone spider all day as I sat hunched over my homework.
I have written so much and am finally calm enough to turn in. I am even too tired to bother proof reading this. I can always do that tomorrow, but sleep must come now. Goodnight, dears xx
For whatever reason, I've been getting my timing really badly lately and have been constantly in some frantic hurry to get to class at the last minute. Because of this, since getting dressed is the last thing I do, my outfit tends to be haphazardly thrown together in about two minutes. Two minutes of snatching things off the ground, of grabbing jackets out of the closet, and of accidentally putting on stockings with giant runs in them.
Today's outfit is a great representation of that frenzy.
I checked the weather before I left and pretty much just said, "Ho hum, I'll wear boots but I should be warm enough in a sweater." Wrong! Unless if I was seated directly in the sun, it was much to windy to be considered warm out today. It was chilly. I needed a jacket. My Minnesota instict was telling me, "Grab a jacket, grab a jacket." But the silly little summer girl in me was laughing and saying, "Ha ha ha! A jacket?! You must be joking!"
Also, why is it that I tend to reference the weather in every, single blog post. And go on about it in depth. I should simply rename this blog: Minnesota Weather and Occasional Personal Style Blog. Rolls right off the tongue.
Anyways, the shorts are vintage from Up Six which I bought last year for Halloween. The boy who sits next to me in my public speaking class said something like, "Those are some crazy shorts! I bet no one else has any like those..." And he's probably right! I bought them because I thought that they were hilarious and also because they were my university's colours. Woo, go UMN!
Can I please just express how very glad I am that the week is almost over? (Why do I ask permission? This is my blog, I can say whatever I want! Like puppies. Puppies puppies puppies!) I just want to lay on the couch and watch movies all weekend...too bad I have so much schoolwork on top of my job! Tonight is going to be mini spa night while catching up on my French reading. Hurrah!
p.s. Title is from the song Stubborn Love by the Lumineers!
- Evelyn Waugh, Brideshead Revisited
All I could think as I was re-sizing and altering exposure on these photos was, "Oh my goodness, I am so pale!" I apologise for the blinding whiteness of my skin...feel free to look away if need be. I don't know how I came to inherit such a cool complexion. My father is part Greek and tans up nicely. My mother on the other hand, is 100% German and Eastern European, and stays relatively fair skinned all year long. I am the worst of all though, a little ghost running around lathered in sunscreen.
Anyways, now that apologies are out of the way, onto the good stuff! It grew terribly chilly over the weekend and so I decided to layer up a bit today. These pants are brand new from Romwe and I like them quite a bit. They are sort of like old lady pants, being high waisted and loose fitting, not to mention a typical old lady colour. All my knowledge of what old ladies wear is obtained by riding the bus (and I think they'd like these quite a bit). My mother laughed when I showed them to her and said that they were like "lounge pants" whatever the heck that means. The way she said that made them sound like they were on the same level as wearing sweatpants in public. I think they are quite a bit nicer than that, thanks mother.
One thing I did notice while sorting through the photos for today - these pants show panty lines! Aye yi yi, I can't believe I was walking around campus all day with everyone being able to see where my panties sat on my back end! Thank goodness the fabric is fairly thick seeing as I was wearing my panties with the cassette tape print. Now you know!
I'm also wearing this beautiful, beautiful blouse from Lalamagic. I love the sleeves on it so much. The shirt and pants are pretty matchy-matchy, so I broke it up with a cheetah print belt which plays along well with the polka dots. Pattern mixing! My favourite past time.
I threw this entire outfit together in about 3 minutes, so I went with my usual saddle shoes. It was super chilly out this morning so I also added my $5 H&M blazer (pink & blue is cute, no?) and decided to match my socks to my blazer. Seriously, I work well under pressure.
In class, everytime I sat down, I looked around the classroom and thought, "I hope my classmates have taken note of my super cool socks!" I was extremely proud of this small touch. I was mostly proud because of how quickly I threw this all together. Sometimes I impress myself greatly.
I decided on this Brideshead Revisted quote because well, quite frankly, it's beautiful. But also because this outfit was slightly reminiscent of Ben Whishaw in the most recent production of Brideshead. Sort of a pajama-y, blazer type mix. I don't think I ever even saw this version, I've just seen photos from it. I did adore Ben Whishaw as Keats in Bright Star. Keats is my favourite poet and seeing his house in London was absolutely amazing. I was giddy like a little school girl and took about a million photos of me out front of it and pretending to enter through the front door. I'm such a dork sometimes!
Yoga kicked my ass tonight and I'm absolutely ready to drop dead (and do homework). Keep warm and wear old lady pants, kiddies xx
"See... the problem here is that... my little brother, this morning, got his arm caught in the microwave, and uh... my grandmother dropped acid and she freaked out, and hijacked a school bus full of... penguins, so it's kind of a family crisis... so come back later? Great."
Better Off Dead
I do love '80s movies. Whenever I'm in an outfit rut, I think to myself - "What would Andie wear?" Andie being, of course, Molly Ringwald's character in Pretty in Pink. There was (apparently) some local event recently that was in honour of John Hughes. I swear, I always find out about these things after the fact! But anyways, they featured some "looks" of the guests in the newspaper and it was the biggest let down of my life. One of the guys got Duckie down pretty good, but everyone else was just blah. I don't know if they were supposed to dress in inspiration of John Hughes' characters, but the newspaper implied as much.
Last night as I was changing to go out with a couple of friends, I had a flashback to that short feature in the paper and decided to channel some '80s goodness.
I started out with these kicks. I recieved them as a gift from Wanted Shoes last year and featured them in the blog here. Unfortunately Wanted doesn't make shoes in my size, so I always have to wear socks with them. With the socks rolled down, they were sort of reminiscent of leg warmers. These shorts are a go-to for when I'm feeling lazy and want to be comfortable, and the shirt was conveniently on the top of the pile in my drawer. It worked nicely with matching the shoes. The chunky sweater was for a dose of colour and also because it was sort of chilly out yesterday evening. I adore this sweater to pieces. It's super cozy and I love to wrap up in it...it's better than a boyfriend (but, unfortunately, doesn't pay for dinner)!
The plan for last night was so "stalk" a friend on campus, since he just transferred to a new college. The stalking ended up working out, since we crept up on him in the library, peering through the window at him like a pair of creeps. We then went into the library and wandered around on the 3rd floor. I swear, it was haunted...there was strange whistling and a woman appeared in one of the aisles but when I went into the aisle, had disappeared entirely. It got even scarier when we went back to the 1st floor, only to find our friend had vanished, along with everyone else in the library, and all the lights had been turned off. We tried exiting through the back door, but it was locked! Thank goodness the front doors were still open. We were fearful of being locked in the library overnight and having to reinact the episode of Arthur when they get locked in and he & Francine spend the night in the library together.
I woke up this morning feeling horribly ill, so after breakfast I took a nap. (Okay, that wasn't actually planned, but my textbook is SO boring!) After that, I went outside and took these photos (thanks Dad!) so if I look a bit sleepy and bedhead-y, that's why. I'm feeling a bit better after the nap, which is good because I was just sick last month and have so so so much school work to get done this week! It's only just begun, and I already want semester to be over with.
I am now faced with a tough decision: should I do some homework that's due on Tuesday, or should I watch Limelight? I have a 2 and a half hour break between classes tomorrow, so I think the movie wins! Keep warm kiddies, and always check the closing time before you enter a library xx
p.s. To the anon who thinks they may've seen me on campus...yes, yes that was probably me. I do go to that university. Say hey next time! :)
Leggings. Something I haven't worn since middle school when my best friend & I hosted an '80s themed party. I've been wanting red velvet leggings for years now and finally decided to splurge on some from Romwe. I use the word "splurge" lightly in this case, seeing as these babies only cost me about $16. It was my first Romwe purchase, as I've never quite understood what all the hubub was about. It seems like everyone's and their mothers' closets are chock full of Romwe goods. It's too overwhelming to browse through, just loads and loads of stuff, so I've never spent much time on their site. But, it's all super cute and things are super inexpensive, which gets me to why I used the word "splurge."
I have issues with buying cheap clothes, especially cheap clothes that are direct designer knock offs made with less quality material and distributed by the thousands. I could get into huge arguments about this issue but the bottom line is this: the clothes are cheap, so people are inclined to stock up on them, but then only wear them once before they get passed onto goodness knows where. The whole concept makes me very uneasy. I mean, I have no problem buying second hand clothes, in fact that's what most of my wardrobe is, but it seems like it's starting to become excessive. People are consuming more and more stuff for the sole reason that it's cheap.
That being said, after buying this pair of leggings and being so happy with them, I went and bought a pair of the Gustav Klimt "The Kiss" ones, even though they're clearly a direct knock-off of Black Milk's original. I looked at both pairs & decided that I liked the placement and colours of the Romwe ones better. That and I don't remember the last time I paid $75 for a single garment. These leggings are so kitsch, they won't be an everyday staple and therefore paying $24 a pop isn't such a bad deal.
I paired the leggings with these blue Steve Madden buckle boots (with kick-ass chains on the heels) which I bought on sale a couple of years ago. I think these babies set me back about $20 - $35...not bad for a sale item! I don't wear them nearly enough, unfortunately. They're a tad big.
I am also wearing a shirt that I found at Everyday People a year or two ago for the low low price of $10. It's falling apart into pieces, which is such a shame because it's beautiful. Definitely one of my favourite shirts...plus the brand is "Campus Casuals" which I love! It most certainly was a campus casual for me, today. Whenever I put it on, I imagine some dirty hippie wearing it. Probably one that went to Macalester College and pretended to be poor when he was actually really wealthy and was trying to put that behind him and be independent of his parents, which is why he bought this crummy, psychadelic shirt. Yeah, I give a lot of my second hand clothes imaginary background histories.
My lucky charms which I wear almost everyday: my hamsa, my ankh, and my name in Arabic, a charm which my uncle picked up for me while on one of his tours of the Middle East. Numerous Arabic-speaking people have told me that if you sounded that translation out, it wouldn't sound at all like my name. Cheers for having names spelt different than how they sound!
It was chilly when I left for campus this morning, so I threw on my jean jacket. It still had pins stuck all over it from when I wore it last autumn here (my singular jean jacket doesn't get much wear, clearly). Some of the pins were taken off for other purposes, like Piglet and that red star, and some of them I only just recently re-attached. Also, aye yi yi, finding that post...it's always so weird when you stumble across photos of your ex-boyfriends...why did I post that on the blog? Did I really think he'd stick around long enough for it to be necessary to show him off on the blog?
Arrrrgh I have so much homework to do tonight...and this weekend in general! I better get started on that. I have too much energy right now, I can't sit and read a textbook. Today has been a weird day: I've been super hyper and overly chatty, yet with no one to really talk to. And then coming home from campus, there was a man who just stared at me for my whole 15 minute bus ride, which made me really uncomfortable and put me in some weird funk. I think I look slightly off in these photos, so apologies if I don't look my normal self! Anyways, must get going, lots to read, lots to study! xx
I'm just keepin' things simple today. I wore variations of this outfit throughout the day: first with a jacket and tights, then without the jacket, then with the hat and the tights, then without the tights. It's been a lot of throwing things on & off, but that happens this time of year when it's chilly in the morning, but super hot and windy in the afternoon. Soon it will just be cold all the time no matter what, which makes it a bit easier...but still as many layers!
I bought this dress last year from either L.L. Bean or Land's End...I can't remember now! It's easy to throw on and I feel super cute and little in it, like some little 4 year old in a nighty. Yeah I'm in college 'n' all, but sometimes I like to feel cute and sweet instead of vampy and old or however I usually feel.
Oh goodness, I make talking about clothes so boring.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you'd like to look at it), I don't have much to say. Most of my energy has been spent on just trying to keep up with everything. The weekend provides little rest from all the chaos of being a student, and the evenings even less. I did manage to get out to yoga tonight, but that only means that I have more reading to do tomorrow now! But such is life...
Toodles now! Hopefully I'll have more to talk about soon...and less to read and study about! xx
