A Note On Spirituality

I think that I've talked about my spirituality in passing on the blog a few times. It's a huge part of my life and it's how I interpret everything that happens to me and around me, so it's surprising that I haven't written about it more. A lot of people get scared off when I tell them that I'm a person of faith - or worse, when I say that I'm a Christian - because there are a lot of preconceived notions about people who follow an organized religion. Especially as a young person, the "cool" thing to do seems to be rejecting religion and being critical of anyone who follows a religion.
I had a "friend" who recently "dumped me", you could say. I had met him a couple of years ago at work when he was new and I was training him. Shortly into meeting him, he starting talking about how anyone who follows an organized religion is stupid and just kidding themselves. I quickly told him that I was religious and that I disagreed with him, but my religion is very personal and I owe no explanation to anyone about it. He calmed down a bit after this, but continued to try egging me on. Over the next couple of years, he sent me messages on Facebook trying to provoke me into denouncing religion or at the very least, debating it with him (obviously with hopes that I would fail the debate). Every time, I flatly told him that my faith wasn't up for debate and I owed no one an explanation. The other day this happened again. This time, I had had enough. I told him that it was very rude and put me off when he constantly did this, and especially the first time that I'd ever even met him. He replied by saying that he felt the need to criticize people's religions because religion teaches you not to think critically, and therefore anyone religious has never been critical about their beliefs. WHOA. Hold on there! Anyone who has ever had a religious experience or who has sought out religion will know that in order to accept a spiritual practice into your life involves deep critical thinking. The journey is often very painful, revealing a lot about your faults and vulnerabilities. It completely changes how you see anything and how you react to things, even very painful, unfair things.
I was raised Lutheran my whole life. I've attended two different churches and went to Sunday School and bible school on and off throughout my life. I confirmed my baptism when I was 15 after four years of studying. But at this time, I would have in no way considered myself a spiritual person. I probably would not have even referred to myself as Christian. The religion meant very little to me on a personal level. I knew the stories and the commandments, but only on a surface level. My confirmation was mostly an answer to what I believed my parents expected of me.
When I was 16 I went through a series of traumatic events. Everything that I had understood about my life and myself changed. My best friends, the people who I spent nearly every day with, left me. I was very depressed and felt very alone. Out of desperation, I found myself sitting in the church pew waiting for service to start one Sunday morning. I wasn't there to accomplish anything. I just didn't really have anything to do. I listened carefully during the service, though I don't remember what the sermon was even about now. I probably didn't sing the songs, but I was immersed in the sound of everyone else singing. I took communion and shook hands during the offering of peace. I felt very much at home and I didn't feel one bit lonely. It was the first time that I had felt that way in a long time, even before I experienced that trauma. It felt like something that had been missing my whole life was suddenly there.
I started going to church every Sunday. I read religious essays. I listened carefully to every sermon. I brought home the bulletins that had verses in them that had touched me very deeply. I prayed every day and found myself in constant communication with God. But, it wasn't always easy. My new found faith had opened up how vulnerable I really felt. It changed my priorities and beliefs about myself and the world, beliefs which I had deeply ingrained into my mind. At times, exploring my faith was very painful and scary. At other times, it was filled with joy and comfort.
Since finding my faith, I have experienced similar trauma twice more, as well as the continued battle with the aftermath of such trauma. Although I've sought counseling and therapy, in the end my faith is what has done the most healing. I have developed new friendships and rekindled old ones. I feel so much more connected with everything that happens in my life. My experience with religion has taught me kindness and gentleness, it has taught me compassion and understanding, it has reminded me that I am never alone. Without my faith, I don't even know if I would still be alive today, and if I was, I doubt that I would be very happy or really, truly alive - merely surviving. Therefore, my faith in God is very important to me, and the connection that I have found in my faith is extremely personal. (This is as detailed as I prefer to get about it, and even this is a bit much.) I owe no one an explanation to my spirituality, but I strongly believe that if someone who knows me well thinks that my faith prevents me from thinking critically, then they are no friend of mine and they have no understanding of what faith and religion really mean.
I didn't write this with the intention of sounding angry or rude, and I definitely am not trying to imply that my religion is better than yours, or that someone without a religion isn't fulfilled. I have no opinions or critiques on your spiritual practices as long as they are not physically harming you or others. I couldn't care less if you choose to not follow a faith practice, or if you simply have no found one yet. I just wanted to talk about mine a little bit, so that no one is under the wrong impression about me or my views of the world, and to remind you that everyone is fighting their own battle, and if they've found a healthy way to heal from it, then there's no reason why you should critique it.