Friday, January 3, 2014


2014 has been weird. I spent New Year's Eve home by myself, eating salami and watching Alice in Wonderland, When Harry Met Sally, and Friends. All the parties I was asked out to were with guys who want to date me. My boyfriend is still sick and is getting treatment right now. My best friend is back studying in Glasgow, though we were Facebook-ing all evening so it wasn't quite as lonely. My cat was home with me, so he and I spent the evening on the couch, cuddling.
I enter 2014 with caution. I'm without my two best friends. It's too cold out to go anywhere (the high for Monday is -16F and the office I work at closed down - IT'S THAT COLD). I spent all of New Year's Day cleaning and moving my fish tank to a place where I could sit and watch my fish better. I woke up the next day to find both of my fish belly up and dead. 

My boyfriend had helped me pick out Seymour & Baby after my dog died in March. Jesse and I spent the whole day setting up the tank and positioning all the plants and such just right. And we spent like an hour at the pet store with me pressing my face up against all the tanks and carefully selecting which goldfish I wanted to take home with me. I could barely contain my excitement when we got home and we were able to let them loose into the tank.
I'm getting new fish tomorrow. I have the tank all set up and ready, so why not? When I got Baby & Seymour, they were supposed to help me get over Moses. And now I'll be getting two more fish to help me get over my other fish. It's weird. Baby & Seymour belonged to both Jesse and I, and now these fish will only be my own. I hope that this isn't how 2014 will be.

I took these photos today. I've been thinking back to a post that I did at the beginning of 2013 when I was feeling very melancholy. I decided to re-visit that same spot, since I was feeling very much like that same person.

I'm wearing my favourite shirt - one that I've been wearing pretty much since I started this blog back in '08. It's my safety shirt. And these socks remind me of this cabin up north that my family used to rent every autumn. We'd spend a weekend tramping around through the fallen leaves in our Doc Martens, rock climbing across the cliffs of Lake Superior, watching ships cross in the sunset.... They're warm memories attached to warm clothes.

These overalls are new. Although I'm totally into the '90s revival loose overalls, I found these ones in the sale section of ModCloth and decided to go for it because they're all cute and '50s. They're super cozy and kind of like wearing pajamas around - but not in a way where you feel all sloppy and dirty.

I spent today doing nothing. Well, I did some pilates in the morning (I just got an exercise ball and am SO PUMPED), but since then I've been on the couch watching Friends. My best friend left me the entire series on DVD before she left for Glasgow in September, and so I've been watching them all through.

I've also been applying for jobs but not many have stood out to me. I think only two - one of a local non-profit and one for a Minneapolis-based PR agency - have really caught my attention. I was going to apply for an advertising sales job at a publisher that I thought I'd be a shoe (shoo?) in for, but then decided that it wasn't the direction that I want my career to go. (When I told my mom this, she said, "Yeah, I knew a guy who took an advertising sales job at a magazine and then he died suddenly, 5 months later!") I'm under-qualified for every job I'm applying for, but you have to start somewhere, and hopefully someone will take a chance on me! And not be too struck down by my horrid cover letters.

I didn't create any resolutions for the New Year. Does that sound bad? It's not like I think I'm perfect or don't have things about myself that I need to work on improving. I just feel like 2014 is holding so much in store for me, that I need to accomplish those tasks first, and then from there I can figure out how I need to improve. Like I said, this is the year of my first real job, my first very own apartment, hopefully my first very own dog and my first car, too. That's a lot of stuff in itself.

And some things that I feel like I need to "work on", I'm not even sure if they're bad. I was thinking something like....not being so emotionally invested in everything. But is that so bad? Is it bad that I find passion for almost everything I do, all the people I know, everything I say and believe? It backfires some times, but it also makes me fiercely loyal and wholeheartedly compassionate.

I could try getting out more and making new friends - or simply keeping in better touch with my old ones - but I like having my two best friends and others who I check in on regularly, even if I don't do a lot with them. I like staying in and watching movies and being by myself. It's not such a bad thing. I'm social, just only to a certain degree.

In the past few years I've taken huge strides to be more organized, more independent, more dependable, more outgoing. I now consider myself very much all of these things. I consider myself a go-getter, a self-starter, never words that I ever thought I would use to describe myself. I think I'm very happy with how I am right now, and need to make these other major life adjustments before I decide what qualities I need to work on in order to succeed in my new life.

My best friend sent me Cadbury chocolate in the mail today. They make it so much better in the UK! My British auntie sends it over in every care package - I love the popcorn toffee one, and the new Bubbly kind - YUM! I think I'll spend my evening snacking on that and watching Friends. I've been feeling very emotionally spent lately and just need a few days of doing nothing before I can get back into everything. Here's hoping that 2014 brings many great things, and maybe starts looking up some! Stay warm out there, especially to all my Minnesotan friends xx


Milex said...

I like!

Sonya Mann said...

I always enjoy how reflective you are.

Jamie Rose said...

So many of the things you said in this post I was just nodding along to. Especially the part about being underqualified for jobs and hoping someone takes a chance on me. And being social only to a certain degree. I'm a person that really needs to work on making new friends too.

I really wish you the best of luck in this new year and hope things start looking up for you. I know there'll be a lot of changes but hopefully they'll be positive and/or happy.

Also your new overalls are the cutest ever. I love the more fitted shape. This whole outfit looks so nice and cozy with those socks and your flannel top.

Anonymous said...

Even in clothes that are so down-to-earth Americana, you are absolutely stunning.

Liz Russell said...

Such a nicely written post, I hope despite the first couple days of the New Year that everything turns out well for you!

Laura Whitman said...

I am loving these overalls on you - so classy, even though most people don't think of overalls as such.

I hope that things look a little brighter, soon!


lilyfm said...

i've only recently found your blog but oh my, i'm in love! i'm looking forward to posts to come!

Gemma Roberts said...

Enjoying your own company is never a bad thing, in fact so many people have to fill their lives with bodies, so not to feel uncomfortable in their own presence.

I also think investing emotionally, as dangerous a damn thing it is, its such an admirable quality. Many people don't care enough, don't risk anything and never ever know what could transpire into their lives.

Use this new year to be your own best version of yourself- for yourself.

Gem x

Faded Windmills

Dixx said...

I'm sorry to hear about your fish :( ..
some (a lot) of the things you said apply to me too, like finding a job and making more friends..

imeowlife. ,Dixx

Jenna Condon said...

that flannel is adorable :)

come check out my blog,

Vlada Cotorobai said...

you look wonderful!

Rachel Sullivan said...

Omgosh I'm so sorry about your fish! That's a really sad way to start off the new year. (I always watch When Harry Met Sally NYE too).
2014 is going to be a big year for me also. Pretty terrified tbh, but I wish you luck! You look cute as a button at least!


Anonymous said...

Chloe, I wish you could be happier. You have so much going for you.
You graduated high school and college earlier than most people. You have a "boyfriend" that seems to love you. You have been to Europe more than once. Come on, see how much you have. Try to appreciate what you have. Live life, and try to love it. You have to try to be happy.

Anonymous said...

You're so lucky you have supportive parents! In a world like today, most people your age have to worry about supporting themselves. But you get to think of your career. Count your blessings. There is no real stress at your doorstep.

This is not meant to be condescending. Just take a moment to breathe and realize how lucky you are.

Leah said...

Goldfish will break your heart. I had one that my friend won at the fair. It lived for two years, but goldfish can easily live to twenty, so I felt really bad about it. It's hard to care for non-mammals because we can't intuit their needs as well.

Selina said...

I rarely bother making resolutions because it's like a bucket list and those can't measure the worth of your life, especially if you don't succeed in all of them. do everything in your own time