Wednesday, February 15, 2012

good morning little school girl

Hello everyone! I hope that you all had a great Valentine's Day (it's my second favourite holiday!) and that February is off to a great start. And if it isn't...well, it's half way over!

So far, for me, February has not been very good. I'm stressed about school to no end and have started having nervous breakdowns, which is startling since I haven't had one in a couple of years. Furthermore, my boyfriend dumped me yesterday! I now know how it feels to be dumped by someone who you think you'll be spending the rest of your life with, and it does not feel very all. But, as with all break ups, I'm trying to keep my head up and have some hope.

I have a "thing" that I do everytime I get dumped by a boy. I am so stubborn that I refuse to let him be the major change in my life. It's unfair to change everything around for a boy, so I find something in my life that I can change. In my case, it is school.

As I mentioned, school has been killing me lately...I try to hide personal things in my life that have been concerning me, especially on the Internet. I do not care for my personal business to be out in the open. But with this, I feel strongly about it and I feel like there will be a positive outcome from it. And maybe people will listen and feel inspired to make their own change.

Last fall I started school for fashion design. I was 18, bubbly, cheerful, seemingly undeterred, finally at a healthy weight and also, finally, in a healthy relationship. But, as I quickly found out, design school is not meant for people like me...people who have souls, who feel positive emotions, who love and enjoy the little things in life.

My major immediately suffocated me. I wasn't able to do the things I loved. I was around people who I couldn't relate to. I was working less (and working does make me happy, to be honest) and spent every bit of myself pouring over colour assignments or hunched over my sewing machine. I quickly became stressed and moody. I lost 10 pounds over the first month or so, which caused me great concern and also more stress. I snapped at people I loved and let myself get torn up over B's (and a B isn't even a bad grade!). was my 4th major and I was tired of changing my mind. I realised, I'm going to be in college for the rest of my life if I didn't make up my mind. I was already looking at 6 years just to get this one degree! I had convinced myself that I wanted to be in fashion, and this was the way to do it.

When I started having panic attacks this semester (they're scary and you can't really breathe or cry or anything), I realised that this wasn't going to work. Three and a half more years of this would turn me into a zombie. I'm not made for this, it gives me no joy and little pleasure. And so, I've already started talking to some very important people in my life (as well as some aquaintances) about making a change in my education and I'm already feeling better about it. After I meet with my advisor, I'll have a better idea of it all but for now, I'll be switching to communications with a French and design minor. This is a change I feel good about, and I'm happy to have made it myself!

Maybe this was a bit for myself, but I hope it encouraged you to make a change for yourself, too. It's absolutely silly to let anyone else do the changing in your own life. Take charge and make things better! You only have yourself to blame if you're unhappy about life.

p.s. I hope this doesn't make this whole post sound like a sale pitch, but don't forget about Buy My Stuff! I've been altering some of the prices and I believe that they're agreeable. I still have more stuff to add, as well.


shinythings63 said...

He did it on valentine's day?? That's truly awful. But I respect you making a major positive life choice! Not so many could be that brave. Kudos!!

Drew and Rachel said...

dear chloe,
I have heard you write a bit about your faith before. may I gently encourage you to let God permeate the little things of life -- your passions, your dreams, what makes you joyful, your decisions, your relationships -- and there, bring your heart back to wholeness + your soul back to peace.

cheering for you girl.

Anonymous said...

you are a smart, gorgeous girl and i love your blog. good for you for keeping positive. what's meant to be will be.

stuph said...

i'm sorry to hear about your breakup, but glad to know you aren't letting it get you down. i hope your days get a little bit brighter with the changes you've made for yourself.

looking super cute, as always. :)

mathilde said...

Hope your new study would fit you more (:

Bad Taste Toast said...

I'm sorry to hear that things are not so nice for you at the moment :-/ After reading this post I admire you for being so strong-minded and positive! Your attitude towards being dumped and towards feeling bad due to school stress kicks ass! I think it was the right decision to make a change and to take it in your own hands instead of just accepting the negative aspects.
I wish you all the best for your academic future!
And btw you look more than adorable in the pics :)

Leila said...

You are a strong woman with a clear head. I'm sorry life's been sending you hardships lately, but I think your major change sounds terrific. :) I had a similar breakdown-y semester where I ended up deciding to ditch my second degree, and it ended up being one of the greatest decisions of my life.

Hang in there! :)

Jamie Rose said...

I hope things take a positive turn for you! You have a great attitude about everything though so I'm sure things will work out!

Also, this outfit reminds me of Sailor Moon in the best way possible. So adorable and school girl inspired. Your hair looks very cute like this.

molly said...

Hope you move past the breakup easily! Such a cute outfit.

Honey Badger said...

Thats awful that he did that but that shows that hes not worth you anyway! I hope the education change works out well, good luck :)

Adorable outfit too! I love the boots

Renee Revolution said...

Oh wow, sounds like things have been pretty overwhelming! But kudos to you for taking your life into your own hands and making the changes you want to make!

I've changed my major twice so I understand the stress and unhappiness of doing something you aren't meant for. I hope this new major is fabulous for you!