maybe you're right

I've been depressed about how little I've been able to blog in the past couple of months. I've been a bundle of nerves lately and haven't been very active - not wanting to go take photos, not even wanting to write. I've just been speechless and feeling a little bit lost about things going on in my life. A very important person in my life has been struggling with drug addiction. For more than a month now, this person has been stealing from me, my friends, and my family, and lying to me about everything. It's been really tough on me because I rely on this person for a lot, including comfort and companionship. It's difficult when someone who you trust in such a way completely betrays you, when their behaviour is erratic and mean, and you have to completely worry about their safety all the time, checking up constantly and going crazy with anxiety every time you don't hear back. It's been tough on me, and it's been going on for too long. I've lost a lot of weight, dropping back into the 85 pound range, losing sleep, grinding my teeth, breaking out with acne, losing hair...the list goes on. I even bit a massive hole in my tongue out of anxiety. However, I am happy to say that this person has made the courageous decision to give up everything and go back into rehab. I feel like the most giant weight has been lifted off my chest and I am finally free to enjoy my life again. When I was telling this person how I've been feeling due to their substance abuse, they said to me, "You care too much." I didn't know what to say. This wasn't something that I was ever taught as a child. I care too much. It is possible to care too much. I was floored. I was hurt and confused. What do you say to that? How does someone care too much for another person? I don't think that this person meant it in a mean way, but it's hard to tell. Addicts are selfish and perhaps this person was just displacing the blame, but I haven't been able to shake it ever since it was said to me. I care too much. Like that's a thing that people can do. People can care too much. I don't know if I can quit caring about this person. I don't even know if I can start caring less about this person. You're never taught how to care less about something. You're never encouraged to care less about something. This is going against everything that I've ever known. But, at the very least, I can take comfort in knowing that this person is in a safe spot. Last night I was able to go out with an old friend and see Blitzen Trapper play First Ave. I'm thinking about getting my nose pierced, too. I've been wanting to do it for awhile but couldn't with my last job. Maybe I will now; It's all me time! It's time to care more about myself and less about this other person. I'm starting this new phase of my year - of caring more about myself - by blogging! My goal is to blog at least twice a week. I used to love blogging...it allows my thoughts to untangle from my mind and I can interact with all sorts of new people and new perspectives. I was scrolling through some older blog posts from last autumn and was reminded of how freeing blogging is for me. Anyways, I'm excited to show off this bad ass new denim jacket courtesy of White Crow. It's super cozy, has great pockets, and an awesome faded print of the U.S. flag on the back. You can find it to buy online here. Totally saaaaweeeeet and definitely getting me back in the mood to wear denim. I see denim on denim in my near future.... I called out of my internship yesterday (when I took these photos) because I just had too much work to do, but that also meant that I got to dress fun and perhaps semi-trashy for class! Usually I have to dress for the office, since I work in one, so I was excited to have fun and dress like an actual college kid. I got this new Phoenix faux leather jumper from Sway Chic which is like a total dream. They have lots of great new stock in and it's making me wish I had income! This hieroglyphic crop top is also from Sway Chic because I just couldn't help myself. Not exactly perfect for the office but still, SO COOL. I skipped on the matching leggings.  These past couple months have been tough on me but one thing that's been sustaining me - the promise of graduation looming in my near future! Only 8 and a half weeks of class left! I don't think I have any finals (the true beauty of only having papers) so I'm completely done after that! Like, forever. No more undergrad! Life is beautiful. Oh, but then it'll be full swing job hunting, resume re-working, and student loan re-paying. Thanks once again to White Crow for the beautiful jean jacket, and to my friends over at Sway Chic for stocking equally great goods. And now begins my time to pamper myself! What sort of things should I do with my new found freedom of caring (almost) only for myself? xx