A Note On Spirituality

I think that I've talked about my spirituality in passing on the blog a few times. It's a huge part of my life and it's how I interpret everything that happens to me and around me, so it's surprising that I haven't written about it more. A lot of people get scared off when I tell them that I'm a person of faith - or worse, when I say that I'm a Christian - because there are a lot of preconceived notions about people who follow an organized religion. Especially as a young person, the "cool" thing to do seems to be rejecting religion and being critical of anyone who follows a religion.
I had a "friend" who recently "dumped me", you could say. I had met him a couple of years ago at work when he was new and I was training him. Shortly into meeting him, he starting talking about how anyone who follows an organized religion is stupid and just kidding themselves. I quickly told him that I was religious and that I disagreed with him, but my religion is very personal and I owe no explanation to anyone about it. He calmed down a bit after this, but continued to try egging me on. Over the next couple of years, he sent me messages on Facebook trying to provoke me into denouncing religion or at the very least, debating it with him (obviously with hopes that I would fail the debate). Every time, I flatly told him that my faith wasn't up for debate and I owed no one an explanation. The other day this happened again. This time, I had had enough. I told him that it was very rude and put me off when he constantly did this, and especially the first time that I'd ever even met him. He replied by saying that he felt the need to criticize people's religions because religion teaches you not to think critically, and therefore anyone religious has never been critical about their beliefs. WHOA. Hold on there! Anyone who has ever had a religious experience or who has sought out religion will know that in order to accept a spiritual practice into your life involves deep critical thinking. The journey is often very painful, revealing a lot about your faults and vulnerabilities. It completely changes how you see anything and how you react to things, even very painful, unfair things.
I was raised Lutheran my whole life. I've attended two different churches and went to Sunday School and bible school on and off throughout my life. I confirmed my baptism when I was 15 after four years of studying. But at this time, I would have in no way considered myself a spiritual person. I probably would not have even referred to myself as Christian. The religion meant very little to me on a personal level. I knew the stories and the commandments, but only on a surface level. My confirmation was mostly an answer to what I believed my parents expected of me.
When I was 16 I went through a series of traumatic events. Everything that I had understood about my life and myself changed. My best friends, the people who I spent nearly every day with, left me. I was very depressed and felt very alone. Out of desperation, I found myself sitting in the church pew waiting for service to start one Sunday morning. I wasn't there to accomplish anything. I just didn't really have anything to do. I listened carefully during the service, though I don't remember what the sermon was even about now. I probably didn't sing the songs, but I was immersed in the sound of everyone else singing. I took communion and shook hands during the offering of peace. I felt very much at home and I didn't feel one bit lonely. It was the first time that I had felt that way in a long time, even before I experienced that trauma. It felt like something that had been missing my whole life was suddenly there.
I started going to church every Sunday. I read religious essays. I listened carefully to every sermon. I brought home the bulletins that had verses in them that had touched me very deeply. I prayed every day and found myself in constant communication with God. But, it wasn't always easy. My new found faith had opened up how vulnerable I really felt. It changed my priorities and beliefs about myself and the world, beliefs which I had deeply ingrained into my mind. At times, exploring my faith was very painful and scary. At other times, it was filled with joy and comfort.
Since finding my faith, I have experienced similar trauma twice more, as well as the continued battle with the aftermath of such trauma. Although I've sought counseling and therapy, in the end my faith is what has done the most healing. I have developed new friendships and rekindled old ones. I feel so much more connected with everything that happens in my life. My experience with religion has taught me kindness and gentleness, it has taught me compassion and understanding, it has reminded me that I am never alone. Without my faith, I don't even know if I would still be alive today, and if I was, I doubt that I would be very happy or really, truly alive - merely surviving. Therefore, my faith in God is very important to me, and the connection that I have found in my faith is extremely personal. (This is as detailed as I prefer to get about it, and even this is a bit much.) I owe no one an explanation to my spirituality, but I strongly believe that if someone who knows me well thinks that my faith prevents me from thinking critically, then they are no friend of mine and they have no understanding of what faith and religion really mean.
I didn't write this with the intention of sounding angry or rude, and I definitely am not trying to imply that my religion is better than yours, or that someone without a religion isn't fulfilled. I have no opinions or critiques on your spiritual practices as long as they are not physically harming you or others. I couldn't care less if you choose to not follow a faith practice, or if you simply have no found one yet. I just wanted to talk about mine a little bit, so that no one is under the wrong impression about me or my views of the world, and to remind you that everyone is fighting their own battle, and if they've found a healthy way to heal from it, then there's no reason why you should critique it.

How to Ace Your Internship

Last May I quit my part time job so that I could focus all of my energy on working within my professional field, hoping to build up experience and find a job soon after graduation. Over the summer I worked on a political campaign and then in the fall I landed two internships. One was with a domestic abuse advocacy program, and one is (as I'm still working there) with a non-profit that benefits individuals with intellectual & developmental disabilities. All three of these internships have been incredible learning experiences, however my first one (and a couple months into the second) was a little rocky. I think this was because my last job was very simple and I was there for such a long time that the work came to me very naturally - I never really worked hard at it. Internships are different. They're learning experiences and you're only going to get as much out as you put in. Just the other day I accepted as extension of my current internship until I find a full time job. I was very flattered to be offered the extension and felt very rewarded for all the hard work that I've put in.

I feel like, while a lot of colleges might have classes on building resumes, etc., not all of them have classes on how to get the most our of your internships. And if you don't come from that type of background (both of my parents are working class), then the office setting can be jilting. Because of this, I thought I'd do a little post about how to get the most out of your internship - and impress the boss while at it!

Get to know the company you're working for
Take my word for it that there's nothing more embarrassing than to have someone ask what the company you're interning with does...and to have no clue how to answer.

My second internship not only involved a rather complex mission statement, but also required confusing - and sensitive - terminology and legal procedures. After a few weeks of feeling completely lost and fearing the question of, "So what does legal advocate mean?", I asked one of the recent hires how she settled into the job. In response to my question, she handed me a massive binder of notes and photocopies of important documents and pamphlets. And so, I started my own. I spent a good day at the copy machine, going through all the manuals, books, information pamphlets, binders from trainings, etc. that were around the office. I compiled them all into a binder and then I studied that binder every day until I got that shit down.

When you start working at a new company, ask your new co-workers and your boss about why they work there and what the work means to them. Ask them if they have any tips for learning your way around the office or the work you're doing. Don't be shy to ask questions when you're confused. And seriously, compile that binder or folder. It will save your ass down the line!

Talk to people outside of your department
Even if you're not going to be working with them on a project and even if you don't need to knock their socks off for a good review, it's handy to get to know the other people you'll be seeing around the office. It's always nice to have a friendly face around, or someone who you can talk to in the break room or at the water cooler. A lot of the time these people will make time to get to know you because a) you're not working for them and b) you're young and hip! Some of these co-workers have even connected me with people that they know within my own field. It's really great and so don't be shy!

Remember, you're a guest there
I feel like I should follow up that last tip with this one. Always remember that you are a guest there! Yeah you're doing work - and probably unpaid work - but this opportunity is a learning experience and meant to give you a boost. My first tip is, as one of the mall cops at my part time job used to say to me, never dip your pen into the workplace ink. Or it was something like that. What I'm trying to say is, do not sleep with anyone in your office. Do not start something romantic with anyone in your office. I don't care if there's chemistry and I don't care if you're really lonely. Adopt a cat. Buy a vibrator. Start something with them afterwards if you really need to & don't mind having your reputation diminished once you're out. As Kelly Williams Brown wrote in her book Adulting, pretend everyone in the office has plastic doll crotches.

Other very simple basics: Arrive on time. Keep your work area clean. Stay off of social media. Don't be that person who stinks up the whole office with smelly food. Keep phone conversations private. Just because your boss likes you, doesn't mean that you're his/her new bff. These are all very simple. You're a guest. Be courteous.

Dress the part
The concept of "casual Friday" does not exist for you. Always dress for the work that you're doing. If you're working in an office, dress professionally. I've worked with other interns who wear cut offs and leggings to the office. If you don't see full-time staff doing it, then don't do it yourself. Make sure you know the office's dress code policy and stick to it. If you're supposed to wear business attire, then wear it. No leggings, no jeans, no strappy tank tops, no tube tops. Remember, it's always better to over dress than under dress. Dressing up shows that you're serious about your work and take the company's reputation very seriously as well.

Here are some office essentials:

A good pair of sensible shoes
Invest in a good pair of kitten heeled shoes or loafers. Even if your strappy four inch peep toe platforms are fucking hot and make your legs look great, save them for date night. I have four pairs of work shoes: black pumps, brown pumps, red loafers, and black boots (for snowy winter). Here are some good examples:




A professional carry all bag
This is the tough thing to find. It's important to have something professional (no massive purses with everything thrown in, please!) but large enough to hold all of your papers (and keep them clean & unwrinkled) as well as your lunch (because you'll go broke eating out every day). My favourite bag is a great big blue one that I found in a vintage shop. It's circa 1970s from Sears, with several large pockets. It holds EVERYTHING. Your bag is up to you. Check out vintage shops and thrift stores. If you opt to buy one online, always check measurements. The worst thing is buying a bag and having it come way smaller than you imagined, or not open wide enough to fit anything. (This always happens to me when I'm buying "fashion" bags, assuming that I can also use them for work. Cute, fashionable bags are ALWAYS way smaller than you think they will be.)

I was recently contacted about the upcoming brand O'Bazzië Classics which I'm really excited about, as they make large, beautiful bags and in really exciting colours. I'm definitely going to scoop one of these babies up when they hit stores.

A pencil skirt and blazer
A sharp pencil skirt and well-tailored blazer are investment pieces. These are things that you will be wearing constantly. I went to Nordstrom and headed to their petite section to assure that all my clothes would fit properly. If you choose to buy second hand or online, make sure that you bring them to the tailor if they don't fit correctly. The last thing you want is to be swimming in your clothes, especially an over-sized blazer. Skirts should hit right around knee length. Absolutely make sure that the hem extends past your fingertips. Your office isn't a club. Be modest.

Be smart in meetings
Meetings can be scary. I was lucky that my first internship was for a political campaign run entirely by young people - the oldest staff was around 28, if I remember correctly. It wasn't as scary to speak up and say what I believed, because everyone was my own age. My second and third internships: not so much. Board meetings at my current internship can be a bit terrifying. But, I speak up. And when I do, yeah, I turn bright red, but whatever. I'm asserting myself, asking questions, and making it known that I'm curious to learn more and that I want to be taken seriously.

Always take good notes. A legal pad will be your best friend. And make sure that you have all your necessary paperwork with you. Check with your boss to see if he/she needs help setting up any presentations or making copies of paperwork. Be very prepared, and spend the meeting attentive, sitting up straight, and taking - perhaps an unnecessary amount of - notes.

Offer to take on tasks - not in your job description
Offer to take on new tasks. Often, these will come up when you're in meetings and they're listing off things that need to be accomplished. Speak up and offer to complete assignments or tasks - but only ones that you know you can feasibly achieve.

Often times when you're in meetings, you feel like someone else who is more qualified should take on the tasks being thrown out. But, the only way you become qualified to do them is by starting as a beginner. After the first committee meeting I was in, my boss took me aside and said that I could take on all the tasks that I had offered to do. Many of them were not even tasks on my job description, but I wanted to do them anyways. It pays to be a go-getter and have confidence in your abilities.

Stay organized
I'm going to end on this one because it is the absolutely most important. Organization is the crux of achieving professionally and personally. The easiest way, for me, to get organized is by making lists. I make to-do lists of everything I need to get done. If the boss gives me several tasks, I write them all down in order and check them off as I go along. If I have individuals or businesses that I need to follow up with, I put them all on a list and go down that list one by one. I keep all of my lists in a legal pad so that I never have a post-it note with one list, and another with a different list, etc.

All of my paperwork is filed away and if I must take out more than one file, I keep them stacked separately. There's nothing worse than needing to check several files at once and finding them all on top of one another or strewn across your desk.

Write down every meeting that you have, every day that you have to be at your internship, what times you start. Keep them all in your date book. Nothing will disrupt your day more than missing a meeting or arriving to work an hour late.

It's important to remain organized throughout the duration of your internship. Organization is a never ending task, but it can cut the stress of your work down by half and keep you focused on what's important now, and what isn't important now, so you can put all of your energy into what you need to get done first.

So, in conclusion...
I hope that this little guide will help you down the road, or perhaps very soon! So many of my readers are in that age group (my age group) where we're just launching our careers. It's a scary thing to do, but I'm lucky that my experience interning has cut down my anxiety of beginning a full time professional job, and a lot of that is related to the fact that I'm working hard to get the most out of my internships. Every internship is different, just as every boss and office is different, but I believe that these core principals and practices can be applied to any internship, to succeed in any internship. Best of luck to all who are on that scary path to having a career!

A Small Peek Back at 2013

Facebook has been offering a review of the highlights of your life in 2013. I took a look back at these so-called highlights and among them were these few triumphs...







I looked through these apparent highlights - granted, leaving my job after 3 and a half years, graduating college, and starting 3 new jobs were all highlighted as well - and felt like they didn't really do much justice to 2013. Yeah, straight hair is exciting. My sarcasm, though obviously brilliant, isn't really anything new. Me being mistaken for about 8 years younger than I am is whatever. People do that everyday, I just don't usually get it to my face. Graduating college was a big highlight, but not really one that I have much to say about (other than YIPPEEEE). My jobs have been great experience and I could write a novel about them all, but I won't. That would be boring. And those experiences are really deeply personal - it's not really something that I would consider a "highlight", but rather a profoundly beautiful and life changing experience. Leaving my job - my work family - after nearly three and a half years was difficult. (I blogged about it here.) I still look back on that and wonder if I made the right decision. Instead, I want to share a few highlights that I have something to say about - something that when I think of 2013, this is what I will remember.



I studied abroad in Paris for May Term. I will not pretend that I loved the experience or anything. In fact, it was dreadful. I spent all of my savings on it and the program was terrible. The professor was awful. The place where we lived was out in the suburbs and inconvenient. Half of the girls on the trip turned on me like high school-ers over a boy that I wasn't even trying to get (I had a perfect boyfriend at home, thanks). I hated it. But, that being said, it isn't something that I would retract if I could. I made friends with two girls (one of them being the girl who actually was trying to get the boy) who I still hang out with back in America (not as much as I'd like to) and who are both really, truly amazing. It's strange that three people fit together that perfectly.



While in Paris I got to meet up with my old friend Alexandre, an exchange student that we hosted back in '09. It was surreal. We hadn't seen each other in 4 years, but we met up and it was like nothing had changed. We were both exactly the same and it was like being 16 again. After Paris, I went to Geneva and hung out with my friend Jojo for a few days. My family also hosted JoJo as an exchange student, back in '10. I had been able to see him when I backpacked Europe in '11, and it was great to see him again. He was so much more mature. With him, things were different. But we still acted like fools, exploring the mountains, whizzing around Geneva on his scooter, eating way too much ice cream.



After Geneva, I flew into London where I got to meet up with the lovely, beautiful Tori. She started commenting on my blog several months ago and when I mentioned that I was off to London, we joked about meeting up. And, in the end, it happened! We spent the day checking out flea markets, drinking tea, missing buses, and talking about, well, pretty much everything. Tori blogged about it here. (I'm the bad blogger who didn't blog about it or take photos.)

While I was in London, I bused out to the Norfolk to spend a few days in the countryside with my aunt and two of my cousins. I stayed up late watching bad British television shows with my cousin Dodie, I went shopping and to the movies with my cousin Millie, I took vodka shots at some bad house party with the both of them, I went to an old workhouse museum with my aunt and had elderberry pop (weird!). It was 4 days of bonding with family who I know very little of, who I've only met a few times before. It made me feel like the absolute luckiest girl in the world.



In March, I lost my best friend of the past 10 years. This was the hardest part of 2013, and it's not something that I look back on happily, but rather with heartbreak. I was in the park a couple of nights ago and a pug named Oscar was out for a walk with his owner. As I was talking to the owner and petting Oscar, I was overcome with this huge feeling of home. I realised it was because petting Oscar felt just like petting Moses. It felt like home. Home just isn't the same without Moses trotting around in the kitchen, huffing and puffing, licking everything up, falling over with excitement every time someone came through the door. I miss the little guy everyday. I blogged about him here.



I'll look back on 2013 as the year that I met Jesse, my boyfriend. Although he's very sick right now and I'm not sure how much longer he'll be in my life, I will look at 2013 and remember his love. This was the first time in my life that I was loved properly and the first time that I realised what it was like to be with someone who treats you with respect and cherishes all of your qualities, even the bad ones. I love him very much and I hope that 2014 will give him good health so that we can spend it together, going on more adventures and laughing together like we used to.

2013 has had its ups and its downs, maybe more so than other years. Usually I can look back on years and remember them as very happy times in my life, or very bad times in my life. 2013 is different. I look back on it and I have known the most heartbreak I've felt in years, but I also have known the deepest love that I've felt ever. I have high hopes of 2014 as being a year of firsts: my first real job, my first very own apartment, my first car, my first very own dog. I have no regrets in 2013, and hope that 2014 brings very few, also.

My Twin Peaks Senior Thesis

....and for reading Chloe's Twin Peaks senior thesis!

After many, many moons, I have finally gotten around to releasing my senior paper, written Spring 2013. After casually mentioning it on the blog, many people were greatly interested in reading it. Since it is 25 pages, I created it its own blog and hope that this makes it easier to navigate. Please note that there are spoilers, so enter cautiously!

Click here to begin reading!

Rest in peace, Moses.

I have a new what I wore post for the blog, but when I sat down to write it, I just couldn't. As you might recall, Moses has been sick since May, all of which came very suddenly. We spent a week with him at the emergency vet and eventually got him stabilised and doing better. We've had our ups and downs the past few months, but overall, our family has just been trying to appreciate our life with Moses and trying to make it as good as possible. In the past month or two, Mosey's health took a very sharp decline. He was skinny as a rail, hardly eating, and hardly able to walk.

I came home from school on Tuesday, now used to the fact that Moses wouldn't be at the door, wagging his tail excitedly and squealing with joy. On this day, he sat in his bed on the couch, thin and fragile, just shaking, shaking so hard. He was staring at me with such a look in his eyes. He was so scared, so uncomfortable, and just wanted to be in my arms. He looked like he just wanted me to hold him so that he didn't die alone. I ran over and held him, knowing that it wouldn't be much longer.

My mom called me from the vet when I got home from class on Thursday. They would put Moses to sleep right then, or bring him home and let me say good bye. I wanted to say good bye. I fell on the floor, sobbing. Although I'd been waiting for it for the past few months, I still couldn't believe that it would actually happen. I spent last night and this morning holding Moses, crying into his little head for one last time. He was so tired. He had given up and we all knew that it was time to go. He wanted to go. He passed away peacefully today at 12:36pm, surrounded by his family (and with his tongue hanging out - his trademark look). He was so tiny and so tired. It felt so right, but it hurt so much.

I got Moses when I was 10 after years of wanting a pug. He was perfect. So soft, with these huge paws, long, skinny legs, huge, floppy ears, and the biggest, softest, sweetest brown eyes I could ever imagine. It was autumn of that year when my grandmother, my best friend for the first 10 years of my life, passed away suddenly. I spent hours crying, and Moses just seemed to know that something was wrong. He'd come sit in my lap and nestle his head into my eyes to catch my tears. He was my best friend. When I was 16, I was in an abusive relationship. When I broke up with the boyfriend and told my friends about it, none would believe me and decided to take his side instead. Suddenly, I found myself friendless. And so, I'd spend all my time off with Moses. We'd sit in the kitchen together, just staring out the window. Or going on walks around the neighbourhood, where people would shout out of their car windows over how adorable my pug was. Moses and I made a cake every week and he'd listen to me read my schoolwork aloud to him. He was my best friend. My baby boy. And once again, when I cried, he knew what to do, and he made everything okay.

And so, rest in peace, Moses. Best friend, greatest companion. Loyal, loving, sweetest, cutest. Little brother, little baby, buddy to everyone. Able to make everyone smile, everyone laugh. Always hamming it up and inspiring so much joy. My light. My angel. My heart. My everything. I'll miss that big old tongue, those determined little paws. That warm, soft puppy smell. The sweet velvet ears and chubby little thighs. Big brown eyes. I'll miss those little sighs and all that sweetness. Thanks for the 10 great years. Nothing hurts like this, but we all knew it was time and it's a relief that the suffering is over. Goodbye, old friend, best companion, and sweetest boy. Moses. MoMo. Mosey. Mosers. Mo. Mose. Precious, sweet creature. I'll miss you forever.

How to Have Fun (Alone) on Valentine's Day!

(The Little Rascals, Source Unknown)

I feel like everytime this time of year rolls around (February), people start getting anxious about Valentine's Day. Just the other day my boyfriend blurts out, "Oh crap! Valentine's Day is in a couple of weeks!" and yesterday I had to rally a co-worker into believing that the 14th of February is way more fun when you're single. Whether or not this is true, I think what's most important, like every holiday, is to get to the root of the meaning and toss away all anxiety about the day.

Valentine's Day is my second favourite holiday (after Christmas). Honestly, I love all the red and pink, the hearts and lace and glitter and sweet things like that. I don't need the chocolate or red roses or jewelry or romantic dinner dates. In fact, that's what I detest about Valentine's Day. So, in lieu of all those material expectations, let's clear away the stress surrounding the holiday and enjoy what lies beneath the consumerism surface: love.

1. Send Valentine's cards to your friends and family.
There're few things I love more than getting post. Getting a letter in the mail from a friend makes me swell with appreciation, much more than a text does. There's something so sweet about knowing that someone lovingly wrote something out, put it in the envelope, and mailed it out to you. It makes me feel loved. For Valentine's Day, I always send out cards. Last year they were all, admittedly, store bought, but I filled them with little poems and messages reminding my friends how much I appreciate them - that they are loved. This year, I'll be doing handmade cards, still filling them up with sweet sentiments and my token of gratitude that they are my friend.

2. Listen to some romantic music - and feel hopeful.
Quit feeling sorry for yourself that you're single or stuck with stupid boyfriend/girlfriend. Let's do away with the break up music, the songs that make you feel alone. Feel happy that there's love in the world and listen to some romantic music! I've created a bit of a playlist for you to get you in the groove:

1. Al Bowlly - Heart & Soul
2. Ricky Nelson - Sweeter Than You
3. The Donkeys - I Like the Way You Walk
4. Sam Cooke - Lovable
5. Etta James & Harvey Fuqua - If I Can't Have You
6. Jackie Wilson - Higher & Higher
7. Marvin Gaye - Pride & Joy

3. Stay In, Eat What You Want.
In my best Valentine's Day as a singleton to date, a friend and I had a feast. We made steak, drank champagne and hot chocolate, and finished it all off with the grand finale: an ice cream sundae complete with rocky road ice cream, heart shaped marshmallows, chocolate covered pretzels, strawberries, and chocolate chips. Going out for dinner is overrated, single or not. There's no point in stressing yourself out over a dressing up, reservations, a fancy dinner, high prices, etc. Cut that out and have fun, even if you just order a pizza.

4. Watch a Movie.
I'm really not much of a chick flick person. Let's cut the crap: your average American romantic comedy is ridiculous. It makes it seem like finding love is an impossibility unless you jump through a number of hoops and suffer some sort of great loss (e.g. lose your memory, develop a terminal illness, suffer the loss of your best friend, move across the country alone, etc.). Then, and only then, can you fall in love. And what's worse, these days, the dialogue is all the same. The characters are the same. The plots are all the same. It's boring. Don't make yourself suffer through some insipid Nicholas Sparks "romantic comedy" just because it's Valentine's Day and you want to make yourself feel miserably alone. But, that isn't to say that you shouldn't watch a movie with some romance in it. Below are a few suggestions, sans any impossible love stories, buckets of tears, feelings of hopelessness, over-used one liners, etc. (Or, if you're critical like me, these movies won't make you want to vomit.)

When Harry Met Sally (1989)
The Gold Rush (1925)
Bringing Up Baby (1938)
Top Hat (1935)
Seven Chances (1925)
2 Days in Paris (2007)
Bridget Jones' Diary (2001)

5. Don't Feel Sorry for Yourself.
It's okay to feel sad or lonely sometimes, but Valentine's Day is not the time for that. Contrary to popular belief, Valentine's Day doesn't exist to remind you how single and pathetic you are - it's to remind you of the love that you have in your life. Even if you spend Valentine's Day with your cat, your dog, your fish, your mother, best friend, old friend, new friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, sister, brother, it doesn't matter. Just be with someone you love, even if that person you love is yourself.

reminisce.

A month or two ago I was at some bad college party. I spent a large portion of the party sitting on the couch with a boy from the university who was asking me, "Do you write?" I hesitated before answering, "Yes, I write everyday." It wasn't a lie. I write for this blog at least 3 days a week. I used to journal everyday, back before school took over every emotion I had. When I was little, 4 or 5, my favourite thing to do was to sit in the big chair in the corner of the living room and write stories on my typewriter. I entered a story in the annual Reading Rainbow story contest and was crushed when I didn't win for my division. My story had been about a little mouse trying to climb up a hill and I had personally illustrated it and lovingly shipped it off to LeVar Burton in hopes of being published.   The first time I was actually published was when I was 17. I wrote a story called Jon and a poem which were both published in my university's annual undergrad lit magazine. They asked me to read the poem at the launch for the magazine, but I really wanted to read the story. It was based on a true story about a boy I knew who used to get beat up, and he'd come to work with black eyes and he was so sweet to me, it broke me to see him hurt. I wanted the world to read that story and be in love with Jon, because he was so lovely. I had written it for a writing class I'd been in, actually, and during peer review, most of the comments I received were that my classmates "didn't get it." Getting it published in the lit magazine was one of the most poetic things that has ever happened to me. It was a dream fulfilled, one that I'd coveted since I was in preschool, but it was also my chance to be heard and for the world to love some stranger that they never knew.   Just last week, I saw an announcement that the same literary magazine was accepting applications for their 2013 issue. Immediately I sat down with the intention of writing a story about another person that I had known, one who inspired me and who I thought would disappear if I didn't write my heart and soul out about him. But it just didn't come. I spend my time in class constantly mulling over this particular person, wishing to write him all the love songs in the world, but nothing ever comes out.   Sometimes I feel like an emotional cripple, but then I can sit in church and cry over all the people hurting. I can't even watch the news without a box of tissue nearby. I love freely and I am overly empathetic. It's killing me that I cannot write beautiful words for this beautiful boy who deserves every single one of them.  
  Even though I cannot muster up the words for this boy, I am constantly yearning for romance...from him, or anyone. This time of year (or anytime of year really, I mean, who're we kidding?) makes me feel especially alone. I fill my life with studies and work and thinking up little love stories while I'm on the bus. I devour old Hollywood films and gaze up at the postcards I have pinned above my bed that friends have sent to me from all over the world.   I'm determined to find companionship for the winter, however. Even if it's only in short friendships or in sending Christmas cards through the post. University makes me lonely. Or maybe it's just the season. Autumn has a habit of making the heart lonesome.   Are you guys all nice and depressed now? Here's a half-assed smile for you, and hopefully some happier words to follow:     My favourite things about autumn? Layers, knits, lipstick, stockings, late mornings & early evenings, dorky hats, sleeping with extra blankets, and the promise of oncoming snow.   I celebrated autumn by layering this H&M horse sundress with my super cuddly turtleneck. I love this sweater because of the colours, I swear it has every colour in it. It was also found (for free) at the back of my sister's closet, so double score.   My pops took these photos for me today, so I have quite a few (I'm usually a bit of a wimp about taking my own photos and only come out with 3 or 4 that I actually like).  




  The weather is insanely windy lately. Instead of having a face, I mostly just have an entire head of hair and usually a hand wiping it desperately away from my eyes and mouth.   I've written a lot for you guys tonight. I guess I just have a lot to get off my chest. I'm skipping 2 of my 3 classes tomorrow so that I can work on two different French essays and a speech about rape in our culture. I need to be deeply intellectual and thoughtful for all 3 assignments, so I suppose it's good to clear my head first. Of course, a walk out in the brisk fall air will wake me up proper, too!

Learn to Be a Better Reader

There is a certain feeling of accomplishment that comes with finishing a book, or a short story, or even an article in a magazine. It was a feeling that I didn't feel for quite some time while I was in college with a goal of skim reading every article assigned and spending free time working and socialising. Between 2009 and late 2011, I hadn't completed a single book, but very recently I have become an avid reader and it's a rarity to not find my face in some novel or newspaper. I think there comes a time in most young academics' lives when you haven't picked up a book in years. Or, if you have, you haven't finished one in quite some time.

I've recently taken it upon myself to promote reading and literature. Modern pop culture's focus has turned to Jersey Shore and Keeping up with the Kardashians as a means of entertainment and mental stimulation. Violent video games fill the attention spans of young adults instead of the pages of books. Cable television and smart phones are making people progressively stupider. Don't fall into the trend; Get your hand off the remote and get your head into a good book.

1. Don't view it as homework.

A huge setback is thinking of reading as a chore. Think of reading as going on an adventure even when the weather is crummy or you're stuck on the bus. When you're reading an article for school, you can view it as gaining a new perspective or learning about a situation that you wouldn't otherwise be familiarised with. Changing your viewpoint on reading is the first step; view it as something exciting instead of a time consuming task.

2. Find time to read.

Unless if you're working 3 jobs, going to school full time, and raising a kid, you probably have a bit of downtime when you can crack open a book or a newspaper. My personal favourite time of day to read is while at the bus stop or on the train. Read instead of flipping through your hundreds of cable channels. Read while you're sitting around on a Saturday night waiting for a boy to call. Read while on break at work or when your girlfriend is shoe shopping. Read instead of Facebook stalking people you hardly know or clicking through endless amounts of fashion blogs written by 19-year-old girls.

3. Find your genre.

There. Now that we've cleared away some time for you to read, now to decide what to read. Head over to the library or, if you don't like reading books numerous other people have paged through or ate over, go to the bookstore. If you like poetry, head to the poetry section and start digging. If you like essays, choose a topic you're passionate about and find a book on it. If you like biographies, choose one about a person you're particularly fascinated or inspired by. A certain era in time may send you to the non-fiction category, or a childhood favourite might send you back for those Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys mysteries. Always remember, it's okay to start small. Don't jump for Faulker or Gogol if it doesn't interest you or if it'll be way over your head. This will only discourage you rather than delight you.

4. Talk about literature.

It helps to talk about what you read with other people. Form a bookclub if you like, or even just ask a friend about what they've been reading lately. Having debates over literature with other people will fuel your interest in the topic and lead you to want to read more, or read again. A friend who recently read The Great Gatsby inspired me to re-read it in order to have a more definite opinion on Daisy's character. A man who recently told me that rape certainly is not "normal" and the best way to deal with it was to take a gun to a rapist's head, gave me motivation to finish Transforming a Rape Culture so I can back up my own opinion on the normalcy of rape in our culture. Discussion with others creates motivation for reading.

5. Make recommendations, take recommendations.

Talking about literature will often open up the opportunity to make recommendations as well as recieve them. Making a recommendation will often lead to further discussion about the book or possibly inspire another person to be active about your cause. Accepting a recommendation may deepen your interest in the subject matter or lead you to discover a new title, genre, or author that you may have overlooked.

6. Take delight in literature.

Learning to love these new characters, new worlds, and new perspectives will lead you to take delight in literature and appreciate it as a form of entertainment or knowledge.

As part of transforming Urban Tease from a mindless fashion blog and more into a lifestyle blog to stimulate the creative mind, I will now feature weekly book reviews. Feel free to offer up recommendations to me and I hope that some of my future suggestions might inspire you to crack open a new book!

Guest Post: Writing is universal.

Writing is universal. If you are taught to write, you can write, and it's as simple as that. Everyone can be a writer as long as they've been taught to write in their respective language. And that's an important thing to remember if you've ever considered the possibility of being a writer, yourself. Think of it this way: have you ever had to tell a story to someone? I don't care what the story is. It can be about that one sleepover you had at so-and-so's house, or that wacko that almost ran you over with their car, or that teacher that you just CAN'T STAND. Have you ever had to tell that story to someone else? I'm betting the answer is yes, at some point, you've told some type of story.

One big gripe by people whom want to write but choose not to (and there are lots of excuses for not writing) is that they don't know where to start. If you've ever had an interest in writing ANYTHING - be it a blog, a poem, a short story, or a novel - I'm here to give you some super general tips to get started. Note that I said general, and I mean general; I won't get into too much depth, again, I don't want to bore the pants off you. If you want more though, drop by my YouTube page, where I host informal little video-lectures about creative writing. Anyway, onward!

Just Write

I cannot emphasize this enough. Just write. Do it. If you can write a comment on this blog post, you already have EVERYTHING that you need to start writing, and if you have ever said to yourself "I am bored and have nothing to do," you have all the reason in the world. The best thing for someone who wants to get started but doesn't know where to begin is a daily journal or blog about your day. Just yammer about what happened. You're not trying to impress anybody. You're just trying to tell things about your day, and make it sound interesting.

The key to writing is practice, and as cliché as it might sound, it works. The more you write, the better you get. The more you say, "and then I did this," the more it will annoy you that you're repeating the same phrase/word/sentence repetitively, and the more you'll (ideally) seek that lexicon of yours - chock full of vocabulary words you thought you'd never find a use for - to express yourself. Daily writing is like exercise for your brain. Spill some thoughts out, and try to write them as if you were trying to tell the story of your day to a friend. Do this for awhile, make it a habit, and you'll start finding that you write faster and more creatively as time goes on. Lord forbid, but it might actually be fun.

Assume whatever you write will be awful

One of the biggest pitfalls of new writers is their fears of not being good. And that's OKAY. It's okay to be worried about being good. But think of any book you've ever read, or any poet you admire. I can guarantee that they did not barf up those magical words onto the page on the first try. Writing doesn't work like that. In fact, good writing is found in the revision stage. You dribble out words like an incoherent drunk; then you come back, read that insane crap, and say, "What the hell was I thinking?" and fix it.

Are you worried that you don't know enough about grammar? Terrified about not having a big enough vocabulary? Frightened that you won't be able to get stuff "just right?" Don't be. The sooner you stop worrying about how bad you are at writing, the sooner you'll realize how good you are at writing. The best writers know that whatever they write will be total crap on the first time through. As for grammar, there are some things you do need to learn. But you'll never learn if you never write. So get started!




Start Simple

Now the big question: what should you write? The key here is to start small. Trying to divine a huge master plan straight from the ether is not something easily done... And at the end of the day, you can take pretty much any story or piece of writing apart, and be able to find one part where everyone can point at and agree "that's why it was written." You'll want something that you're passionate about; something that really makes you smile and think; this is usually why writing a daily journal works out well for beginners. Another option could be retelling your dreams, which offer up a goldmine of possible stories. Sccribbling down your dreams in the morning just after you wake up will not only give you an opportunity to write every day, but will also increase your retention of dreams, and give you a nifty insight into your subconscious whenever you go back to read it.

Challenge Yourself

Let's face it: writing is a pretty basic skill, at the end of the day. It's not always terribly exciting, and if you're just getting started, it can be very tedious and time consuming. But after you feel like you've mastered the basics of writing decent stories, and are able to tell stories fairly fast, start to challenge yourself and your own writing. Attempt to retell a story from a completely different perpective. If you went bowling with a friend, try and see things through your friends eyes. Or better yet, tell it through third person perspective, as if a magical person floating overhead was retelling the story as they saw it.

Other ways you could challenge yourself are by changing the names of people and places. Try retelling stories that have already been written. Or if you want to take the final step in creative writing, create a story from scratch, with your own characters, setting, and action. It may seem daunting. But as you continue writing, you'll begin to see that telling a story is as easy as retelling the story to anyone.

Share your writing

There is one truth you should never forget about writing: writing is meant to be read. That being said, learn to start sharing your writing. If you think you wrote something particularly nice, show it to a friend, and ask them what they think. Blogs are especially handy, since they are generally meant to be public. If you begin with a blog, then you've already got the sharing business out of the way, and there shouldn't be any nervousness. If you want to be private, of course, nobody is going to judge you! Just make sure that you read your own writing, so you can see for yourself which stories are better and worse, and why they weren't as interesting or exciting as others.

There are limitless ways that you can encourage yourself to write. My personal favourite is the website 750words.com. If you sign up, you're given a free and private space to write, which not only saves whatever you write, it also automatically analyzes the content of what you write, telling you what mood you were in when you were writing it, how many words you wrote, and loads of other useful information. It's definitely something worth checking out. So find your muse and get started writing!

Chris Fox is a novelist living in Fort Worth, Texas with his cat, Toby. He enjoys vegetarianism, Tumblr, bike culture, and feminism. You can find his Writer's Bloc series on Youtube here. He also keeps a personal blog to document all things beautiful, nerdy, and political here.

computer crash

Hello everyone! I'm sorry it's been so long since an update, but my computer crashed. I'm bringing it in tomorrow, so hopefully the blog can get back on its feet and fast! Expect to see some changes coming up in the blog for 2012, I'm really excited and I hope you all will be as well! And now, so I don't leave you with nothing, I'll leave you with a poem:

There's something romantic

about sitting in the same seat

on the bus

everyday

And another stranger sits in his...

same seat

everyday

And I'll never love any man so much as those

strangers' faces

passing in the train windows

heading the other direction

How many of these strangers I've loved

I'll never know

But my heart is in a million pieces

for each of these passing expressions

You could pile the pieces up in your palm

and blow

them all over,

touching a million faces and kissing

A million strangers, not so strange

anymore

And there's something romantic

about a man who limps

with a skip in his step

Or a woman

whose scar smile makes her

forever happy, or so it seems

to all those strangers who will never know the truth