Friday, March 1, 2013

Rest in peace, Moses.


I have a new what I wore post for the blog, but when I sat down to write it, I just couldn't. As you might recall, Moses has been sick since May, all of which came very suddenly. We spent a week with him at the emergency vet and eventually got him stabilised and doing better. We've had our ups and downs the past few months, but overall, our family has just been trying to appreciate our life with Moses and trying to make it as good as possible. In the past month or two, Mosey's health took a very sharp decline. He was skinny as a rail, hardly eating, and hardly able to walk.

I came home from school on Tuesday, now used to the fact that Moses wouldn't be at the door, wagging his tail excitedly and squealing with joy. On this day, he sat in his bed on the couch, thin and fragile, just shaking, shaking so hard. He was staring at me with such a look in his eyes. He was so scared, so uncomfortable, and just wanted to be in my arms. He looked like he just wanted me to hold him so that he didn't die alone. I ran over and held him, knowing that it wouldn't be much longer.

My mom called me from the vet when I got home from class on Thursday. They would put Moses to sleep right then, or bring him home and let me say good bye. I wanted to say good bye. I fell on the floor, sobbing. Although I'd been waiting for it for the past few months, I still couldn't believe that it would actually happen. I spent last night and this morning holding Moses, crying into his little head for one last time. He was so tired. He had given up and we all knew that it was time to go. He wanted to go. He passed away peacefully today at 12:36pm, surrounded by his family (and with his tongue hanging out - his trademark look). He was so tiny and so tired. It felt so right, but it hurt so much.

I got Moses when I was 10 after years of wanting a pug. He was perfect. So soft, with these huge paws, long, skinny legs, huge, floppy ears, and the biggest, softest, sweetest brown eyes I could ever imagine. It was autumn of that year when my grandmother, my best friend for the first 10 years of my life, passed away suddenly. I spent hours crying, and Moses just seemed to know that something was wrong. He'd come sit in my lap and nestle his head into my eyes to catch my tears. He was my best friend. When I was 16, I was in an abusive relationship. When I broke up with the boyfriend and told my friends about it, none would believe me and decided to take his side instead. Suddenly, I found myself friendless. And so, I'd spend all my time off with Moses. We'd sit in the kitchen together, just staring out the window. Or going on walks around the neighbourhood, where people would shout out of their car windows over how adorable my pug was. Moses and I made a cake every week and he'd listen to me read my schoolwork aloud to him. He was my best friend. My baby boy. And once again, when I cried, he knew what to do, and he made everything okay.

And so, rest in peace, Moses. Best friend, greatest companion. Loyal, loving, sweetest, cutest. Little brother, little baby, buddy to everyone. Able to make everyone smile, everyone laugh. Always hamming it up and inspiring so much joy. My light. My angel. My heart. My everything. I'll miss that big old tongue, those determined little paws. That warm, soft puppy smell. The sweet velvet ears and chubby little thighs. Big brown eyes. I'll miss those little sighs and all that sweetness. Thanks for the 10 great years. Nothing hurts like this, but we all knew it was time and it's a relief that the suffering is over. Goodbye, old friend, best companion, and sweetest boy. Moses. MoMo. Mosey. Mosers. Mo. Mose. Precious, sweet creature. I'll miss you forever.

16 comments:

Eat.Style.Play said...

I'm so sorry to hear this, it's so hard losing a pet, and seeing them in pain. I got really emotional reading your post. Pets are as much family as human family.

SafiyaMarie said...

Oh my gosh. I cant believe it, I'm so sorry this happened. You have a tonne of great memories to cherish with Moses. Just think of his tongue lolling out as he looks down on you from doggie heaven babe. Sending you my love xx

Jamie Rose said...

Oh no. I can't even imagine what you're going through. I'll be such a mess when something happens to my dog. I really feel for you and I hope you get through this in one piece. There's no love like the love from your dog and nothing can replace them when they go. I'm so sorry about Moses. He was so adorable.

Anonymous said...

I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss, Chloe. Moses was such an adorable little guy and from reading this post, just as loyal and compassionate as can be. Just remember that even though physically he's not there for you anymore, he'll never leave your side spiritually. x

Robyn said...

My thoughts are with you, losing such an important figure in your life is the hardest thing in the world. I'm very sorry for your loss, but glad you got to hold him one last time and help him as he passed from his pain.
Love to to~ xx

Keit said...

So sorry to hear that. I can't imagine what pain it is to loose a pet. I would be heartbroken if my cats die, even though they're extremely selfish.
RIP little doggy! And hugs and kisses to you!

Meli said...

You poor thing. Hugs!

GYPSI said...

oh honey...my heart is breaking for you. There is nothing harder than saying goodbye. I don't really have any words that can make it better, but I understand. Their lives are far too short for how much joy they bring, and saying goodbye to a dog is so heart wrenching. I'm so sorry.

-Liz

sofia said...

oh, no. I know how it feels to lose a pet. out pug, Cricket died a couple years ago. Moses seemed so sweet and full of life. you just have to accept that he is no longer suffering. rest in peace, sweet Moses.

Assata Toni said...

Omg, I'm so sorry for your loss Chloe. I feel like I know him to cause I've followed your blog for so long. Hold onto all your memories of him. Sending you and Moses love and light. <3

Cambria said...

I'm so sorry, sweet girl...losing a pet is SO hard...I'm sure you will be feeling pretty miserable if you're anything like me :( I'm glad you have so many lovely memories of your sweet puppy friend...

<3 Cambria
jupefashion.blogspot.com

Gabrielle Francessca said...

I can't even imagine what you're going through. I know what it's like to be that close to your dog, your best friend, your child. My condolences.

Anonymous said...

Oh god, I'm so sorry for your loss! ~ Rest in peace, Moses. ♥

jenna dean said...

i'm truly sorry for your loss. i had a pug for 12 years as my companion so i understand. rest in peace, moses.

sending love <3

marthaaaa_ said...

I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this. I think people who don't have pets can never really understand the pain of losing one. I'm dreading the day I have to say goodbye to my labrador who's the most beautiful dog I've ever met. I hope you're okay. Lots of love. xx

Priya said...

Chloe, I wanted to comment this sooner and I'm sorry I didn't! I am so sorry about your loss. You and Moses really were a pair and I've always loved seeing him in your pictures and hearing of your adventures together. This post is really lovely. I've never had to go through anything like that, but I can't imagine it's anything short of heart-breaking. Thinking of you and sending encouraging thoughts your way during this time.