Rest in peace, Moses.

I have a new what I wore post for the blog, but when I sat down to write it, I just couldn't. As you might recall, Moses has been sick since May, all of which came very suddenly. We spent a week with him at the emergency vet and eventually got him stabilised and doing better. We've had our ups and downs the past few months, but overall, our family has just been trying to appreciate our life with Moses and trying to make it as good as possible. In the past month or two, Mosey's health took a very sharp decline. He was skinny as a rail, hardly eating, and hardly able to walk.

I came home from school on Tuesday, now used to the fact that Moses wouldn't be at the door, wagging his tail excitedly and squealing with joy. On this day, he sat in his bed on the couch, thin and fragile, just shaking, shaking so hard. He was staring at me with such a look in his eyes. He was so scared, so uncomfortable, and just wanted to be in my arms. He looked like he just wanted me to hold him so that he didn't die alone. I ran over and held him, knowing that it wouldn't be much longer.

My mom called me from the vet when I got home from class on Thursday. They would put Moses to sleep right then, or bring him home and let me say good bye. I wanted to say good bye. I fell on the floor, sobbing. Although I'd been waiting for it for the past few months, I still couldn't believe that it would actually happen. I spent last night and this morning holding Moses, crying into his little head for one last time. He was so tired. He had given up and we all knew that it was time to go. He wanted to go. He passed away peacefully today at 12:36pm, surrounded by his family (and with his tongue hanging out - his trademark look). He was so tiny and so tired. It felt so right, but it hurt so much.

I got Moses when I was 10 after years of wanting a pug. He was perfect. So soft, with these huge paws, long, skinny legs, huge, floppy ears, and the biggest, softest, sweetest brown eyes I could ever imagine. It was autumn of that year when my grandmother, my best friend for the first 10 years of my life, passed away suddenly. I spent hours crying, and Moses just seemed to know that something was wrong. He'd come sit in my lap and nestle his head into my eyes to catch my tears. He was my best friend. When I was 16, I was in an abusive relationship. When I broke up with the boyfriend and told my friends about it, none would believe me and decided to take his side instead. Suddenly, I found myself friendless. And so, I'd spend all my time off with Moses. We'd sit in the kitchen together, just staring out the window. Or going on walks around the neighbourhood, where people would shout out of their car windows over how adorable my pug was. Moses and I made a cake every week and he'd listen to me read my schoolwork aloud to him. He was my best friend. My baby boy. And once again, when I cried, he knew what to do, and he made everything okay.

And so, rest in peace, Moses. Best friend, greatest companion. Loyal, loving, sweetest, cutest. Little brother, little baby, buddy to everyone. Able to make everyone smile, everyone laugh. Always hamming it up and inspiring so much joy. My light. My angel. My heart. My everything. I'll miss that big old tongue, those determined little paws. That warm, soft puppy smell. The sweet velvet ears and chubby little thighs. Big brown eyes. I'll miss those little sighs and all that sweetness. Thanks for the 10 great years. Nothing hurts like this, but we all knew it was time and it's a relief that the suffering is over. Goodbye, old friend, best companion, and sweetest boy. Moses. MoMo. Mosey. Mosers. Mo. Mose. Precious, sweet creature. I'll miss you forever.