Monday, April 15, 2013

something untitled

Today I put in my two weeks notice at my job. I've been at the same place for more than three years, working the same department with the same people for more than two and a half. It's such a bittersweet thing. I feel like I've gone through a lot in the past few years, and my workplace (and coworkers) have helped me grow up. I have my little work family, and it makes me so sad to think about leaving them. It'll be weird not going in there anymore, putting on my name tag, punching in, and walking into work with all the same people, all the same faces.
I don't have another job set up, or anything in mind, even. It seems silly, but it's time to cut that umbilical cord. My job is so convenient, I'm so comfortable there. It's easy and safe, I know everything and I know everyone. I spent a lot of time in church during lent reflecting on my life and why I'm so unhappy lately. It's because I feel stuck, but I'm too afraid to make any changes. I mostly just sit around wishing that my workplace would blow up and I would be offered some amazing new job. Psh. So, instead, I'm going to take a leap and do what feels scary and wrong. I only have one more semester of school left and so I need to take chances and do what inspires me most (whatever that ends up being). So as of May 10th, my final day at work, I will be going forth and trying something new, meeting new people, learning new things. I'm half excited, half scared out of my mind.
I don't remember the last time I took a major chance - probably when I first started at my job. More than three years ago when I signed on for that new job, I remember being scared out of my mind. I was in a really bad place, with a really bad person, and I didn't know anything about the world. My job introduced me to a new self and helped me get outside this creepy little bubble I'd been stuck in for years. It's difficult for me to not think about the little girl who went in there, and to reflect on who I am now - and to feel proud. And in part, in debt to everyone who works there. I'm trying to remember that and not be scared about what comes next. Because if being introduced to "the real world" changed me so much from age 16 to 19, I can only imagine what my next opportunity will teach me. And that's pretty exciting. I'm just trying to keep my head up about it and remember that I have Paris ahead of me, I have a summer class ahead of me, I have a terrific boyfriend, I have a weirdo cat and great parents - and everything will be alright no matter if I have my old job (and work family) or not.
More than anything, I want to move out from my parents' house and be more independent. I want to intern at a "battered women's shelter" (I really hate that term) and start doing what inspires and empowers me, instead of having lofty dreams about it. My job has distracted me from actually applying myself to what I want to do. It's time for no more of that. I've dreamt of making a change for too long, and now it's time to start making changes. Hopefully not only in my own life, but in the lives of others.
I started my communications major not really sure what I wanted to do. Fashion public relations, I thought. Then fashion seemed too impractical in Minnesota, so I decided just simply public relations. But I wanted to do public relations for something that mattered. I want to help women like me and who have been in experiences similar to mine. I want to educate the public about rape, sex, and consent. I want to talk with politicians about funding for shelters, better public awareness, and better sex ed in our schools. I feel like this is really what I was called to do, and it's time to start doing it before I get sucked into something corporate like I've been doing for three years.
I was reading an article (at work) the other day about how to create fulfilling work experiences for employees. One of the recommendations was to give value to their work - not monetary value, but value as if what you're doing has an impact bigger than yourself. My job has started to have little positive impact on myself, and I'm still not convinced that it's ever had much positive impact on the public aside from making the day of a family or two here and there. It's difficult to do unfulfilling work for three plus years. It's no wonder I'm snarky and self destructive these days.
So now, I go forth keeping my head high and a smile on my face. I'm hopeful and I'm starting to have one of those "the world is my oyster" moments once again. It feels weird...I haven't felt like that in a long long time.


Prisma said...

How could this post make anyone feel melancholy or bummed? It's really inspirational to see you pursuing something important to you. You're a very strong person and great role model.

Susy Valencia said...

I must say that I've been feeling like that too. I've been working in retail for almost a year this May. Thank you for writing this. This really made me think even more.


Laila said...

I think this is such a great post and it's great that you took the time to assess everything. I'm in the lucky position of being freelance doing what I love and I take so much happiness and fulfilment from it although it's often hard work and I earn a lot less than some of my friends, but I don't care! I think it's great you're aspiring to more - I always wonder why so many of my friends feel satisfied or content in jobs that don't really fulfil and complete them and it's nice to see somebody else chasing that XX

Ivyanna Adams said...

I handed in my notice too a while back and next week is my last day at work so I know the feeling of leaving your "work family" behind as I've known them for the past 2 and half years. You are young and the world really is your oyster so grab sit back and really think about what you want to achove in life and your passion and see where that leads. If you really wanna volunteer then go for it, you never know whats around the corner.
With regards to moving out of your parents house, if you can honestly support yourself then I say go for it. Moving away to uni, for me has shaped me in soo many ways that I couldn't imagine. Wherever you end up I do hope you will stiill be blogging because I don't want you to leave your "blogging family" behind.


HannahMMurphy said...

It's uncanny how much I can relate to this, I have so many dreams and sometimes it just feels like day to day life gets in the way. It's inspiring to see you head off towards your own dreams xo

Milex said...

you really impressed me.

Priya said...

Chloe, I am always impressed by your ability to go, do, and say exactly what you want and how you feel. It's inspiring that you're looking for a career regarding something you are really, truly passionate about. Go girl! Change is good.

On a more superficial note: I love your hair like that!
Also, I am seeing Andrew McMahon in concert tonight!

perfectly priya

Simply Attired said...

That is such a noble goal, and women's shelter's are in such need for strong people like you. You'll be so much happier doing something you're passionate about. I wish you the best of luck in your journey!

Also, those pictures, that house, all of it is beautiful! I'm definitely adding this to my list of regular blogs to read. :)

Simply Attired