something untitled

Today I put in my two weeks notice at my job. I've been at the same place for more than three years, working the same department with the same people for more than two and a half. It's such a bittersweet thing. I feel like I've gone through a lot in the past few years, and my workplace (and coworkers) have helped me grow up. I have my little work family, and it makes me so sad to think about leaving them. It'll be weird not going in there anymore, putting on my name tag, punching in, and walking into work with all the same people, all the same faces.   I don't have another job set up, or anything in mind, even. It seems silly, but it's time to cut that umbilical cord. My job is so convenient, I'm so comfortable there. It's easy and safe, I know everything and I know everyone. I spent a lot of time in church during lent reflecting on my life and why I'm so unhappy lately. It's because I feel stuck, but I'm too afraid to make any changes. I mostly just sit around wishing that my workplace would blow up and I would be offered some amazing new job. Psh. So, instead, I'm going to take a leap and do what feels scary and wrong. I only have one more semester of school left and so I need to take chances and do what inspires me most (whatever that ends up being). So as of May 10th, my final day at work, I will be going forth and trying something new, meeting new people, learning new things. I'm half excited, half scared out of my mind.   I don't remember the last time I took a major chance - probably when I first started at my job. More than three years ago when I signed on for that new job, I remember being scared out of my mind. I was in a really bad place, with a really bad person, and I didn't know anything about the world. My job introduced me to a new self and helped me get outside this creepy little bubble I'd been stuck in for years. It's difficult for me to not think about the little girl who went in there, and to reflect on who I am now - and to feel proud. And in part, in debt to everyone who works there. I'm trying to remember that and not be scared about what comes next. Because if being introduced to "the real world" changed me so much from age 16 to 19, I can only imagine what my next opportunity will teach me. And that's pretty exciting. I'm just trying to keep my head up about it and remember that I have Paris ahead of me, I have a summer class ahead of me, I have a terrific boyfriend, I have a weirdo cat and great parents - and everything will be alright no matter if I have my old job (and work family) or not.   More than anything, I want to move out from my parents' house and be more independent. I want to intern at a "battered women's shelter" (I really hate that term) and start doing what inspires and empowers me, instead of having lofty dreams about it. My job has distracted me from actually applying myself to what I want to do. It's time for no more of that. I've dreamt of making a change for too long, and now it's time to start making changes. Hopefully not only in my own life, but in the lives of others.   I started my communications major not really sure what I wanted to do. Fashion public relations, I thought. Then fashion seemed too impractical in Minnesota, so I decided just simply public relations. But I wanted to do public relations for something that mattered. I want to help women like me and who have been in experiences similar to mine. I want to educate the public about rape, sex, and consent. I want to talk with politicians about funding for shelters, better public awareness, and better sex ed in our schools. I feel like this is really what I was called to do, and it's time to start doing it before I get sucked into something corporate like I've been doing for three years.   I was reading an article (at work) the other day about how to create fulfilling work experiences for employees. One of the recommendations was to give value to their work - not monetary value, but value as if what you're doing has an impact bigger than yourself. My job has started to have little positive impact on myself, and I'm still not convinced that it's ever had much positive impact on the public aside from making the day of a family or two here and there. It's difficult to do unfulfilling work for three plus years. It's no wonder I'm snarky and self destructive these days.   So now, I go forth keeping my head high and a smile on my face. I'm hopeful and I'm starting to have one of those "the world is my oyster" moments once again. It feels weird...I haven't felt like that in a long long time.