Friday, September 28, 2012

Keep Your Head Up, Keep Your Love

Autumn. Falling leaves. Boots and socks. Shuffling around campus trying to stay warm. Jean jackets. Golden.
Everything really is very beautiful lately. I mean, I'm still an emotional teenager, I still can't stand school and boys still drive me nuts, but I'm trying to stay peppy and focus on the good things.
I've been making some new friends, reconnecting with some old ones, and really trying hard to focus on my studies. Reading stuffy old textbooks can just be so boring! I always talk about the same things, don't I?
I suppose my life is fairly repetitive and dull right now. Okay, not everything in my life. One thing that isn't: I feel stronger. I not only am stronger, but I feel it, too. Today at work when someone implied that I had a boyfriend, I threw my hands up and enthusiastically cried, "I am my own woman!" I suppose that I feel quite strong when I am single. I haven't been single for this long (6 months now) since I was 16 and had my first boyfriend. That's remarkable, isn't it? When have I really had time to find myself and be independent? I like relying on myself.
Truth is, the last boy ripped my heart out, tearing it into a million little pieces and tossing them across the world. Who knows where they all are? I'm trying to piece everything back together but really, the idea of even having another boyfriend, of completely trusting another person like that, is devastating to me. I can't even imagine doing it. I've come close a few times and everytime I just think, "Ye Gods! I cannot do this!" A few times now, I've thought to myself, "This is wrong that I am turning down this opportunity. Is this really me being strong, or just me being timid? Isn't rejecting love a horrible thing?" I still don't know the answers to these questions, but I do know that I don't want to be with another person until I am fully ready to commit my time to them.
In the meantime, I fill my life with little love stories, with being friendly to strangers, with silent films and writing letters to friends throughout the world.
In celebration of the beautiful autumnal colours, I put this outfit together. I cross the Mississippi twice a day, and everytime I look out and observe the change. The other day, it was so beautiful. The trees looked like they were absolutely on fire, the leaves were such a blaze of red and orange. And when it reflected into the river, that was stunning. The river was blue as could be, several large boats were plowing through the waters, and a heavy mist had settled over the horizon. It was breathtaking.
This outfit is a bit reminiscent of this beautiful view. I wish I could have looked at that scene forever. Painted it. Taken a photo. Printed it on postcards and mailed them across the globe. I couldn't believe how wonderful the Mighty Mississippi could be.
I settled on wearing this kurta as a shirt, tucked in, and played up the gold embroidery with this belt. Since the shirt is so soft and luxe, I added some grunge with the boots and the shorts, and since jean on jean is a big trend (or so say I), the jacket was a necessity. (Hey, I just talked about fashion and it wasn't that bad, was it? Usually I want to tear my own eyeballs out whenever I talk directly about what I wear. Great, I need to stop writing this because now it really is getting boring!)
Anyways, it's late! I need to scurry off to bed, where I will settle in with a textbook and a highlighter, analysing argument until my head falls off. Or until I fall asleep (which is much more likely to occur).
Before I finish off, I'd just like to ask all my readers to keep in your prayers and in your thoughts the friends and family of those affected by the tragic shooting in the Bryn Mawr neighbourhood of Minneapolis. I was watching the news when they broke in with this report and it broke my heart. This is a monumental tragedy for this neighbourhood, town, and society. It's always horrible to hear about things like this happening to innocent people, but especially when those people had hope, had love, and aspired to make a difference. My prayers go out to all those involved, and I hope that you will keep them in yours as well.


Cambria said...

Agreed with your wishes and prayers for the Bryn Mawr friends/family...such a horrible thing.

Love the denim on denim, esp with that funky shirt!

<3 Cambria

Emily said...

Your hair, your face, your style...
This blog is actually the epitome of perfection.